I don’t recommend it.

Every once in a great while I will see an article about someone who married their dog or horse or some inanimate object, like the Berlin Wall, the Eiffel Tower, or even an anime character painted onto a body pillow.

In the world, they have a name for it: objectum sexual, or objectophilia, an inordinate, erotic love for objects. You won’t see it in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual 5, but it will probably be in the next edition.


It may be laughable that someone has fallen in love with a roller coaster or an iBook. It’s not so funny when followers of Christ marry outside their species.

I’m talking about Christians who date and marry non-believers. They did not get married as an unbeliever and later became a believer. They went into a romantic relationship knowing that their date was not a believer and hoped they could convert him/her.

9.99999 times out of 10, it turns out very poorly for both the believer and the unbeliever.

As children of God, we are not of this world, John 17:14 & 18:36.

We have been born again, born from above, to a living hope, John 3:3-8 and 1 Peter 1:3.

As a people who have been born from above, we are part of a new race, a new species, 1 Peter 2:9 and Revelation 5:9-10.

As a member of the new species, we are not to become intimately entangled with an unbeliever. The Bible describes this serious spiritual condition as being “unequally yoked,” 2 Corinthians 6:14-15.

Many would say don’t even get involved in a business partnership with any unbeliever, or with a potential mate who is not at the same spiritual level you are at. “What’s wrong with dating an unbeliever?” you may ask.

Marriage is difficult enough without adding the burden of not being able to share our most important values. Getting romantically involved with an unbeliever will exponentially increase the likelihood of having an unhappy marriage because the husband and wife will have significant but conflicting values.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15 teaches:

14 Don’t develop partnerships with those who are not followers of Jesus’ teachings. For what real connection can exist between righteousness and rebellion? How can light participate in darkness? 15 What harmony can exist between the Anointed and Satan? Do the faithful and the faithless have anything in common? (VOICE version)

The Lord wants to prepare and preserve us for the very best marriage He could bring us to. He wants us to fully enjoy every benefit within marriage by strengthening its strongest bond, the spiritual bond.

He wants us to have a spouse who will pray for us and pray with us regularly. He desires us to be equal partners in ministry. He longs to fully bless us as we walk forward into His future together and sharing the most important value of honoring Christ.

This is His best plan for us believers in a marriage. If we bypass His best plan for us, we will end up with the shadow of a marriage that may never reach its fulfillment.

The unbelieving spouse will sense the distance, the tension, in the marriage because of your affiliation with the Lord. They may begin to resent the intrusion they perceive Christ brings into the relationship.

Then starts the competition, the testing, the demands and pushing of boundaries.

I don’t want that.

I want my husband to pray for me. I don’t want to feel frustrated or spiritually vulnerable because he cannot protect me or guide me by praying for me or sharing God’s Word. I want to be able to ask him some spiritual questions and have discussions about Biblical subjects.

I don’t want to feel sad that he refuses to go to church with me or read the Bible together or spiritually lead our family.

Most of all, I do not want my husband drawing me away from the body of Christ or the Lord. A spouse can do that by demanding one’s attention, time, and money.

I can’t tell you how many spouses, mostly wives, have expressed sadness and frustration because they wanted to tithe and their husbands did not want them to waste money on the church. Their husbands resented the time they spent in church activities or ministries and demanded their attention at a time the wives would rather have been in church.

They told me how miserable they were because their husbands had displayed a certain level of interest in their faith while dating, then stopped going to church after the wedding. They felt betrayed.

Sometimes these spouses mocked their faith and told their children they didn’t have to go to church. That cuts.

That does not sound like a marriage I want.

Christian single, the Lord told us to date and marry only believers for our protection, fulfillment, and enjoyment. He has nothing but love for us. He wants to shape us to bless us with His very best.

Don’t date outside our species; I don’t recommend it.



Thadeusz, Frank. Objectophilia, fetishism and neo-sexuality. Article for Spiegel.de International 5/11/07. http://www.spie19gel.de/international/spiegel/objectophilia-fetishism-and-neo-sexuality-falling-in-love-with-things-a-4822.html  accessed 02/22/17

2 thoughts on “Marrying Outside Your Species”

  1. As Christian singles, we have to be carefull of the kind of people we mingle with even in the church as the devil also goes to church now. I had a very nasty experience but it was by the grace of God that I was saved from it. Just because that person is in church does not make him/ her a Christian. This is why we need to ask God for a discerning spirit.

    1. Agreed, Katty! I have had many, many friends tell me the same sad story. I pray your marriage will be Christ-honored and totally the opposite of that bad experience you suffered earlier.

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