When it comes to rejection, doors being slammed in your face, backs being turned on you, and being denied the things you were hoping for in a relationship, I felt like the queen of rejection.
There were days I felt like I had been rejected all my life.
My rejection started when I was old enough to know that my natural father was not around and I felt like he would never be there for me.
When I was six, my mom left me with my grandparents to live with her new husband and his family.
I eventually developed many male associates. They became the fathers of my three sons.
When I was young, I spent days and nights crying under my blankets, trying to get over the sadness. My first response was always to cry like hell. The feelings of rejection hurt badly. They hurt so badly that I thought of ways to end my life on a daily basis.
Little did I know that those thoughts were not my own. They were lies coming to me straight from the pit of hell.
My senses of right and wrong were felt and activated. Yet I not only lived but survived.
I eventually asked God many questions.
Why me, God?
What did I do, God?
Where was I wrong at, God?
Which way do I go?
What do I do while I go on?
How do I get myself together?
God’s answer to me was Love Me with all your heart.
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5). I then gave my heart and soul to God.
Has everything been perfect since that day? Nooo!
Have I done things since I got saved that I regret? Yes, I have.
But now I have a strong faith in God to carry me on.
With faith in God, we can do every thing that we desire to do and that He wants us to do.
As a single Christian, my life is not a hopeless life. It is a life of joy—sweet, abundant joy. Joy that this world does not give me.
The residue from rejection that I need help with is my trust issues—trusting a man and certain people.
I used to isolate myself as a defense mechanism. Only this past year have I worked on stepping out of my comfort zone of home and relationships that are solely with my family members and coworkers.
I started by having conversations, mostly online and by phone. Oh, were they difficult!
I can now look around and see that I am not alone with these trust issues. These issues of trust and truly understanding one another are shared by a multitude of people: young or old, male or female.
I’ve learned that we can’t properly talk with a potential mate if we are not sure where we want to go in life or with another person.
- Know what you want and need.
- You must set up ground rules for your relationship. (“Do’s and Don’ts” are what I call them.)
- Neither you nor the other person can afford to be selfish.
- Enter this new relationship willing to give a little. You know, negotiate.
- Recognize beforehand that a wall might be hit.
- Be mentally prepared how you will deal with that brick wall.
If these Do’s and Don’ts are not adhered to, you, the other person, or both are headed for that doomed word, Rejection, all over again. I promise you it will happen.
We are Christians now. We cannot get around daily and not live holy, forgive, and move forward.
We have got to stay smart, count the cost, and commit ourselves to our own rules and to the ways of God.
We might have trust issues from rejection, but we have to make things right. We cannot treat our dates the same as we did in our past.
We cannot look for what was familiar to us when we were in the world. Or it can only be the positive lessons that we learned.
So we have got to handle ourselves maturely. Show your strong faith in God.
Be wise, responsible, and kind in rejection whether it is given or received. Treat the other person the way we would want to be treated.
Get out of your comfort zone. Be a helper. Help and serve others. Love strong with the love of Jesus.
We can make things better!
I am Sara Upchurch, a survivor of rejection. I’m living and improving my life in my home state of North Carolina, a beautiful place to live and grow in forgiveness with a heart for God.
Below is an organization that I help. Our focus is to bring a higher level of education to the children that find it hard to learn in their local community.