Last week, I shared my experience with the 5-Day Challenge to Pray For Your Future Spouse. It wasn’t so much praying for a mate, but being ready for a real marriage. #pfyfs sparked all sorts of positive responses from hundreds of participants who realized how much they needed it.
I got nearly all of this foundational teaching early in my Christian walk. I wondered why most of these folks didn’t know this. I started praying, researching, and jotting down potential reasons and narrowed it down to twelve. Last week I shared the first four; you can read them here: Dirty Dozen Reasons, Part 1 of 2
Here are the final eight offenders as to why Christ’s singles aren’t getting this life-changing info early (Note: this is not an exhaustive list):5. Delayed adulthood: If you want to have a decent marriage that reflects Christ, however, you both have to get past all that and be grown up. Click To Tweet
5. Delayed adulthood. Education has been promoted as the savior of contemporary times. This results in young adults who are “delaying” adulthood, even encouraged to do so, by staying in school longer.
Unfortunately, most are only accumulating more academic knowledge and learning to appease their every whim. They’re not learning the basics of what it takes to survive and thrive as an adult. The hook up culture, walk of shame, and pressure from credit card companies to open accounts all began on college campuses.
If you want to have a decent marriage that reflects Christ, however, you both have to get past all that and be grown up. Do you see why this might be a problem?6. Poorly managed emotions: If you can’t adult by learning to process and express your emotions appropriately, you will have trouble getting and staying stable in any relationship. Click To Tweet
6. Poorly managed emotions. Media, Hollywood, increased psychiatric labeling, the feminization of our culture, emasculation of our men, and simultaneous promotion of disrespect, aggression, and violence encourage us to not take responsibility for our emotions. We’re told to not to hold back our feelings, regardless of the cost. If you can’t adult by learning to process and express your emotions appropriately, you will have trouble getting and staying stable in any relationship.7. Ignorance of the enemy's tactics: Deception and discouragement are two of his best weapons against us. It is our job to recognize and expose the tactics of the enemy so we can stay in the game. Click To Tweet
7. Ignorance of the enemy’s devices. The Bible teaches that the enemy of our souls is continually targeting to ambush us (1 Peter 5:8). Jesus warned us that the enemy only comes to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10). We are told to become aware of the enemy’s sneaky, underhanded, and well-disguised tricks (2 Corinthians 2:11). And don’t think he doesn’t sneak his way into the lives and minds of God’s singles. He’s looking to sabotage our future marriages!
Deception and discouragement are two of his best weapons against us. If he can deceive us with lies, he can get us to ignore God’s Word, distrust and disobey Him, and shove ourselves farther away from Him than we are right now.
If he can’t deceive us, he tries to wear us down and discourage us. It is our job to recognize and expose the tactics of the enemy so we can stay in the game.8. Past mistakes: We don’t have to live stuck in the past and pretend like God has no future for us. Click To Tweet
8. Past mistakes. Sometimes we think that our past, with all its mistakes, is too difficult to overcome. We think and feel I can’t hide it anymore. I’m so ashamed of what I’ve done. I really screwed up my life. I don’t deserve God’s forgiveness and love. The enemy wants to keep us feeling stuck at our lowest point.
It is true we don’t deserve God’s gift of forgiveness and love, so just admit it. Then leave the enemy behind and walk forward to embrace God’s gifts with gratitude. How beautiful that Jesus declared He came to set the captives free (Luke 4:18), and He did just that (Colossians 2:15). We don’t have to live stuck in the past and pretend like God has no future for us (Jeremiah 29:11). 9. Fear and desperation: Desperation will cause them to ignore red flags and poor behavior. If someone is fearful that they won’t get married, the first person who comes along will do. Click To Tweet
9. Fear and desperation. These are two additional strategies the enemy uses to damage Christian singles. Desperation will cause us to ignore red flags and poor behavior.
If we are fearful that we won’t get married, the first person who comes along will do. Then we won’t listen to sound advice for fear that our one and only opportunity to escape the prison sentence of singleness will disappear.
We can’t ignore what God might be saying through caring family, friends, and teachings. It’s our own fault if we refuse to prepare ourselves for a good marriage by ignoring helpful, truthful teaching.10. Pride: When the church can’t make room for authentic transparency and mistakes, we hide our imperfections and create superficial relationships, which result in superficial marriages. Click To Tweet
10. Pride. Pride is elevated as a virtue in today’s self-obsessed culture. Cockiness is admired, even sometimes in the body of Christ. Yet it is not to be so among us (Matthew 20:25–28).
Humility is what we need to share from our souls. When the church can’t make room for authentic transparency and mistakes, we hide our imperfections and create superficial relationships, which result in superficial marriages.11. Social media: The fear of man through social media will keep you in bondage to a shallow, even false, version of who you should be and what your future marriage should be. Click To Tweet
11. Social media. If you feed the fear of man in you by constantly keeping your nose in your devices, you’ll snare your soul (Proverbs 29:25). What King Solomon called “the fear of man,” we call peer pressure.
Social media is an unrelenting barrage of airbrushed bodies, perfect houses, Hollywood romances without consequences, popularity contests, and perpetual vacations and adventures. The fear of man through social media will keep you in bondage to a shallow, even false, version of who you should be and what your future marriage should be.
We must cling to God’s original blueprint for our hearts and lives. This often takes more time to uncover than accepting the enemy’s ready-made plan for becoming a false self, which will eventually implode on your weary soul.12. Cultural influences: “Cultural influences” also include churches not teaching about and modeling positive, healthy marriages to singles, or the skills needed to initiate and maintain them. Click To Tweet
12. Cultural influences. There are whole family trees and communities that are steeped in divorce and unhealthy coping skills, which lead to unhealthy relationships. If you were raised in one of these, you’ll have to start over by learning God’s ways of relating and coping.
“Cultural influences” also include churches not teaching about and modeling positive, healthy marriages to singles, or the skills needed to initiate and maintain them. If you’re engaged, your church might have premarital classes and/or counseling. Otherwise, it’s noticeably absent.
We, the body of Christ, need to call out and minimize these negative influences in our midst. Then we can model, mentor, and help singles of all ages and ethnicities grow godly, healthy relationships and marriages.
ANNOUNCEMENT: Join me on FB every morning as I pray over Christian singles! I’m posting written prayers relevant to us singles with instructions and scriptures every day in the month of September. Click here to see what I’m talking about: https://www.facebook.com/4singlechristians.
