Have you ever had a friend, maybe even a long-term friend from childhood or college, turn on you? I sure the heck have.
Here you thought you two were cool and there weren’t any major issues. Then you started seeing warning signs that your long-term friend wasn’t so cool.
Perhaps you confided in her, and she acted really understanding. That week you find out she’s been telling everyone on social media about your problems and what a loser you are! Whaaaaa!?
It’s scary, but it happens all the time. We live in the unfortunate era where social media is used to shame and abuse, and it’s acceptable for anyone and everyone to jump on 
that shaming bandwagon.
Or maybe, as you were confiding in her, she started fidgeting, or getting bored, or impatient. She told you to suck it up, buttercup, because strong is how Christians are supposed to be. God sends both the good and the bad, you’d better learn how to deal with life. God gives us strength. Or maybe you have some secret sin that you haven’t told me about, and He’s just giving you what you deserve. Whaaaaa…
Or she makes an excuse as to why she has to leave right now, and you don’t see her again for a really long time. You feel like she’s avoiding you when all you did was want a listening ear for what you were going through. Whaaaaa…
These relationship-assassinating characters and more are exposed in Mary de Muth’s latest book, The Seven Deadly Friendships. She testifies about the “friendships” that almost ruined her life and what she had to do to get over them. I love how candid she is as she tells us about her journey:
I’ve had the privilege of encountering some amazing friends over the years; they outweigh the more difficult relationships I’ve walked through, thankfully. But it’s in the sting of pain in the aftermath of those broken circles that I reel. I rethink. I regrieve. I revisit… That journey informs every fiber of this book (p. 7).
It’s not just about Mary’s testimonies, though. She shares the painful stories of many 
women who were destroyed by someone they thought were good friends. These women, like many of you, had trusted friends in their lives as neighbors and college friends who all got married the same year and raised kids together. They were ministry associates, pastors and supervisors in churches, inseparable childhood buddies and more, who turned on them in the worst way.
Mary gives detailed lists of the traits these seven characters demonstrate. She talks about how these insidious individuals get you hooked into staying connected with them. She shares insights from the observers and scientists of human nature who study clinical personality disorders, abusers, and troublemakers.
In her last section, she shares seven life-giving practices that helped her find life among the ashes. In the fourth life-giving practice, Invert Their Behavior, I love how she encourages us as she tells us
Your predatory friend may have spoken lies over you, laced with hatred, but you do not have to live in the light of those lies. You can acknowledge they are lies, tell yourself the truth (you are fearfully and wonderfully made; God loves you; he is making you new), and move on. Don’t let a predator win twice—in the moment of the outburst, and for the rest of your life when you wrongly believe their lies. (p. 183)
As a professional social worker and biblical counselor, I appreciate Mary’s depth of honesty and insight when she uses scripture. She explains how the dynamics of relationships are impacted by the undeveloped aspects of our human personalities utilizing scripture, kindness, and piercing frankness. Her explanations help us to understand 
how our unfriendly friends morphed into the crass creatures who hurt you. Yet, she reminds us, we must always look to ourselves, to make sure we don’t let our hurts twist us into similar creatures. No matter how normal and compassionate we think we are, we could become any of these twisted persons.
I highly recommend this heartfelt book for any woman who has a friend or wants a friend. In her heartfelt but very practical book, Mary will walk with you with comfort for losses grieved and encouragement for progress going forward. She will cheerlead you to open doors for authentic friendships as she shares her experience, wisdom, and discernment.Mary has learned the hard way, like most of us, that sometimes it’s not me. It’s you. And we will all be wiser and safer for walking away from negative relationships and guarding our hearts. Click To Tweet
She knows. She’s learned the hard way, like most of us, that sometimes it’s not me. It’s you. And we will all be wiser and safer for walking away from negative relationships and guarding our hearts. Mary will show you who, what, why, and how to walk away.
The Seven Deadly Friendships instantly became a #1 bestseller this month under the New Release category in Amazon’s Ethics in Christian Theology category. Be sure to preorder your copy at 7 Deadly Friendships book. Mary also has a little quiz on her page that will help you evaluate the status of your friendships.
She is now scheduling appearances and speaking engagements for women’s retreats and conferences in 2019. To learn more about her other speaking topics and not only 7 Deadly Friendships, and to get her on your church’s or women’s group’s calendar, click here: Mary de Muth’s speaker page.
May you learn and grow wiser through keeping safe friends. And may you learn about yourself so that you will be a safe friend.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
