One of the stinkiest fruits in the world is the infamous durian. Its stench has been compared to sewage, vomit, and dirty socks. It only grows in tropical climates in Southeast Asia, thank God! When I was a summer missionary in the Philippines, I had to hold my nose to sample a tiny piece. Eeewwwyuu! Though other fruit can be carried on public transportation, the stinky little durian is banned so it won’t ruin the vehicle and others’ transportation experiences.
Likewise, there is something small, but very smelly and destructive, that we can bring to our future marriages. It will ruin both the vehicle (marriage) and the other’s experience of it (that would be your future spouse). If we don’t deal with this stinky bad boy right now, he just might kill our marriages when we’re barely getting started. What might this malodorous monster be?
Let’s read what 2 Corinthians 2:15–16 has to say about this first:
Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God. But this fragrance is perceived differently by those who are being saved and by those who are perishing. To those who are perishing, we are a dreadful smell of death and doom. But to those who are being saved, we are a life-giving perfume. And who is adequate for such a task as this? (NLT)
Fragrances?! What does this have to do with marriage? I take a shower every day whether I need to or not!
The Durian Marriage
We bring spiritual aromas into our future marriages by how we deal (or don’t deal) with our flesh; that’s what.
God’s Word tells us that our fleshly efforts to get our way produces death, Romans 7:5. Fleshly works stink because they’re dead works, Hebrews 9:14. Have you ever smelled something that was dead? Eeewwwyuu.
Our flesh produces no earthly good or eternal rewards. It only produces stinky, dead works. When we are operating in the realm of the flesh—being self-centered, proud, and resistant to God’s truth and grace—we cannot please God or minister life to others.
For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. Romans 8:5–8 NASB
One person operating in the flesh is bad enough. But put two such individuals together in a union as serious as marriage? That’s a train wreck in a sewage tank! A marriage wracked by the flesh sounds just like this list from Galatians 5:19–21a:
It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. (MSG)
When you bring the rancid funk of your carnality to a marriage, you make it really reek.
When you bring the rancid funk of your carnality to a marriage, you make it really reek. Click To Tweet
The Fragrant Marriage
We can bring either the vibrant fragrance of life or the noxious stench of death to our future marriages. Vibrant life in a marriage looks like this:
- Both partners are secure in their relationship with the Lord. Each person realizes they are responsible for their own actions, words, and happiness. There is less whining and blame-shifting because they’re taking personal responsibility before the Lord Himself for their own issues.
- Both partners are completely committed to each other. They cut off any opportunity for the enemy to trick them into an inappropriate relationship due to poor boundaries. There is awareness of the enemy’s devices from being vigilant and not assuming.
- They share the same purpose for ministry and marriage. Thus, they are able to fully support each other in spiritual, educational, and soul growth. There is no ugly competition, fear, or possessiveness lurking to sabotage.
If you have ever been in a room permeated with a beautiful fragrance—your favorite food wafting in from the kitchen, or perhaps fresh pine needles at Christmas—you know how it fills you as you breathe in deeply. It draws you in and makes you smile.
A beautiful marriage fills the hearts of the people around them. It draws them in and makes them smile.
Our children will feel secure. Our neighbors and coworkers will see Christ in us as we work through our differences and difficult times. Though imperfect, our marriages will glorify God and cause others to be pointed to Him.
I want that kind of fragrant, life-giving marriage. Don’t you want that kind of marriage?
Ask yourself, “Do I want to bring the stench of death or the fragrance of life to my marriage?” Think about how much of your flesh you’d bring to it. Then tell yourself, “It’s up to me!”
Ask yourself, “Do I want to bring the stench of death or the fragrance of life to my marriage?” Think about how much of your flesh you’d bring to it. Then tell yourself, “It’s up to me!” Click To TweetChoose this day whom you will serve. I hope you choose, like Joshua and his family did in Joshua 24:14–15, to serve the Lord instead of your no-good, dead, stinky flesh. Don’t bring that stinky bad boy into your marriage. Ban that one. Eeewwwyuu!
Your De-stinking Assignment:
1. Reread Galatians 5:19-21a. Highlight the words you have the most trouble with.
What I need to work on the most:
A scripture to deal with it:
2. What is one habit I have that I know doesn’t please God?
One thing I can do today to stop it is:
3. My usual reaction when I don’t get my way is:
One tangible thing I will do to work on this is:
