In what is perceived as today’s shrinking pool of eligible and godly bachelors and bachelorettes, how is one to go about finding an acceptable candidate? Are there other pools to fish from, especially if your church doesn’t have a singles group? (Or your church does have a singles group and well… “There’s no one there!”)
There is at least one other pool—if you know where to look. And you are willing to discard some unimportant, external elements of what makes a person eligible and godly.
Don’t panic. I don’t mean primary considerations like character, stability, purpose, or the depth of their Christian faith and lifestyle. I mean “external” differences that do not impact character, level of stability, or one’s Christian walk. Can you look beyond your tiny pool of limited candidates to other pools containing more candidates?
If you’re ready to explore, let’s consider the eligible and godly candidates in this inviting pool: the racial/ethnically different pool. Have you ever thought of dating someone from a different ethnic background than yours? If you find someone of a different ethnicity attractive, don’t rule them out as someone you would date and eventually marry.
Just as in any burgeoning relationship, there will be at least seven things you’ll have to address as you get to know the person who looks different from you with the possibility of marrying them.
- Think of getting to know the other person as a privilege and an adventure. Human beings are the pinnacle of God’s creation. Simply because they were made and then born again in God’s image, we ought to respect the sacredness of who they are because of what God put in them. As you experience each other and connect, enjoy the wonder.
- Push aside the stereotypes and get to know the individual. Would you like it if someone told you, “All you look/think/act alike”? No way. That’s an insult. No one likes being identified with a group so strongly that their individuality disappears. Even in eastern cultures where groupthink is more prevalent, individuals always find a way to stand out and be noticed. Find out who your person is, what they like and don’t like. You’ll both appreciate it.
- Be prepared to learn some cultural differences and possibly new language. Truthfully, no matter who you marry, even if you come from the same racial or ethnic background, you will have to learn how the other person’s family did things. You’ll have to learn their favorite holiday customs, dishes, and history. Sincerely wanting to learn the culture, language, and family practices of your beloved will endear them to you. It will also help you to understand your date.
- Focus on your primary identity—your identity in Christ. Ultimately, and fortunately, we are not saved or denied entrance into heaven because of our ethnic background or the color of our skin. Other externals that don’t determine our spiritual life is how much money our parents made, where we live, how much education we have, or who we know, unless we’re talking about Jesus (Galatians 3:28).
He is our primary identity and not just our ticket to heaven. How He will be expressed through us may look different, but His character and love will become apparent. Focusing on an identity that is larger than our ethnic or racial backgrounds or differences will do much to cement a relationship of any type, but particularly a romantic relationship.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate. Don’t assume anything. You will lessen misunderstandings, draw closer to one another, and exchange hearts as you talk.
- Know that some may reject your interracial relationship. One would think that racism was dead in this modern era, but, unfortunately, it is alive and well, even among those who call themselves Christians. I’m talking about those who will tell you that interracial marriage is wrong because the Bible says it’s wrong.
Racism occurs due to ignorance, fear, or pride. My parents, from two different minority groups, were rejected by some outside groups. We ended up hanging out with other interracial families.
The Bible never taught that interracial marriage is wrong. God warned His people not to intermarry into the pagan nations they were directed to conquer as they were about to enter the Promised Land.
Based on passages like Deuteronomy 7:3–4, God did not want His people, Whom He spent 40 years forming their identity as a holy nation, to take on any of the disgusting and wicked local religious practices. These practices included baby sacrifices and religious prostitution.
Moses married a Cushite (Ethiopian) woman in Numbers 12, and the Lord had nothing negative to say about that union. God did, however, punish his older sister, Miriam, for criticizing the marriage.
The Bible does say that followers of Jesus Christ are not to become romantically involved with non-believers; see 2 Corinthians 6:14. So not intermarrying has nothing to do with skin color and everything to do with their connection with Christ.
Discuss any racism-initiated encounters your date has had, and what you will both do about future ones.
- Cultivate your relationship together and lean on what you have in common. It’s been said that what a couple has in common is like money in the bank, and differences are like withdrawals. Learn to celebrate the differences but find more in common than different that you can spend time doing together. Put lots of money in that relationship bank. You’ll be well on your way to overcoming obstacles and forming that permanent bond with your love from a different nationality.
