(Note: Today’s post is almost the opposite of last week’s!)
It’s common knowledge that at least half of us are single, not just in the US but around the world, and many of us want to get married. When God created the first human, He realized that this creature did not have a corresponding creature to interact with, like the Trinity did amongst itself. In Genesis 2:18–25, He then created the second human, and we’ve all been interacting ever since. This desire for human interaction is a reflection of the intimacy within the Trinity.
He designed our bodies to have different physical responses according to varying levels of intimacy. However, even the most intimate interactions don’t always end in marriage. Some can go through varying stages of intimacy and actually not desire to marry.
Half the population being single is a relatively recent phenomenon in the history of the human race. Research is being conducted in an attempt to uncover how many singles genuinely don’t want to get married. Social psychologist and singleness expert, Dr. Bella DePaulo, did an informal meta-analysis of five different national studies to find out how many singles truly want to be single. The results depended on which study you looked at, and exactly how the question was worded: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201709/how-many-americans-want-be-single-results-5-studies
It used to be that marriage was a social marker for maturity. If you settled down, got married, and had children, you were granted membership in the neighborhood club of those you would now have the most important things in common to bemoan: mortgages, babies, and housecleaning.
No more. These markers no longer describe only marrieds, according to Dr. DePaulo in her article in The Cut: https://www.thecut.com/2017/12/6-new-things-researchers-learned-about-single-people-in-2017.html
So, all you married people, brace yourselves for this announcement:
Not Every Single Person Wants to Get Married!
We’re not against marriage; it’s just that many of us like being single. And there’s nothing wrong with any of us that’s not wrong with many of you.
What’s wrong with singles who don’t want to get married? Are single-minded Christians 
immature? Selfish? Have unrealistic expectations or commitment phobias? Not necessarily. We all know married people who are immature, selfish, and/or have unrealistic expectations.
And there are more than a few married people who couldn’t handle the rigorous commitment of marriage and walked away. Wedlock felt like a dead lock and they left.
So it looks like we’re here to stay—Christian singles who prefer to stay single. We’re not hopping from bed to bed or partner to partner. Our hormones are under control and we’re as straight as an arrow. We experience friendship and community. However, we’d rather not entangle our lives with someone else’s in marriage at this time.
Well, why wouldn’t everyone want to get married?
For one, a few of us have wised up to the fact that our marital status is not our identity. Many have envisioned wanting to marry a certain type of person to feed their ego, or perhaps to maintain a certain lifestyle.
Not us. We understand that we are responsible to create what we want, whether it’s a lifestyle, a house, or a dream vacation. We’re not going to use marriage to get what we really want.
For another, we’re focused on what we understand God has for us. Building a career, engaging in ministry, or developing a business—these are what we know we’re called to do.
If He sends someone our way whose lives and purposes parallel ours—that would be awesome. But we don’t have time to go chasing for a potential marriage partner; we’re busy doing life.
One more thing. We simply refuse to let society or church culture pressure us into believing we have to be married to be mature, or in God’s perfect will. We’re trusting God’s sovereignty, love, and timing for marriage if it’s going to happen at all.
We’re celibate and content, right where we are. Why do you find that so hard to believe?
Although you church folks make church services and ministries much more appealing and welcoming to married couples and families, we’re over it. We know God loves us as much as He loves you. He doesn’t love you more than He loves us because you’re already married.
Understand that marriage is not a one-size-fits-all solution to singleness. Singleness is not a medical condition that needs to be cured. Click To TweetWe appreciate that you have found someone, and something, good in your marriage, and you want everyone to have that same good experience. Be sure to share with us when you win the lottery, too.
You must understand that marriage is not a one-size-fits-all solution to singleness. Singleness is not a medical condition that needs to be cured.
You don’t need to “fix” us, either. “Fix” is something you do to cars and animals. God fixed us when we came to the foot of the cross and surrendered.
It’s true that many of us are still healing from a broken relationship, whether it was a divorce or pain from our original families. We want to live healed and whole before we involve ourselves with another deep relationship.
Meanwhile, please stop trying to set us up with every single person of legal age that you know.
Quit suggesting where to go, what websites to visit, and how to get married off. If we wanted to be married and it was God’s perfect timing, we would have been married by now.
There’s no need to feel sorry for us because we’re single. We don’t feel sorry for you because you’re married!
We do appreciate your prayers and friendship.
Understand that, like Jesus and the apostle Paul, we are content in our single state.
If that ever changes and the Lord calls us into a marriage with someone, we’ll let you know. We might even invite you to the wedding if you’ll stop nagging us to marry to someone outside of God’s perfect will.
