Last week, I talked about how our contemporary Western culture inclines us singles to a severe level of independence and lack of accountability. Not being accountable to anyone can cause problems in relationships. When you don’t answer to anyone, you can keep secrets and harbor addictions that will hurt relationships. Then, after the wedding, big, ugly problems expose themselves and consume the rest of the marriage.
If there is no one who can speak and pour truth and love into our lives, we will be missing out on some seriously needed faith and character development. Click To TweetFor these reasons, I champion the idea that every person in the body of Christ needs to be involved in a local Christian fellowship of some type. Whether it’s an honest, trusted friend or two, a small Bible study, Sunday School, Christian singles group, or support group, we all need something.
God did not design the Christian life to be a solo endeavor with no accountability. If there is no one who can speak and pour truth and love into our lives, we will be missing out on some seriously needed faith and character development.
If you are not used to being accountable to another soul, it may take time to get used to the idea. You could explore one of many support or accountability groups in your area that address whatever you need to work on if being deeply and emotionally vulnerable with one soul freaks you out.
There are all sorts of support groups, even in the body of Christ, which can help you. It’s not just for AA anymore.
Mental Health America has an extensive list of all sorts of support groups (not just for mental health), which you can look up, here: http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/find-support-groups.
Healthfinders.org has a long list of medically-related support groups for patients and their loved ones: https://healthfinder.gov/FindServices/SearchContext.aspx?topic=833.
If alcohol abuse is a problem, there is the granddaddy of all substance abuse (SA) support groups, Alcoholics Anonymous https://www.aa.org/. There are Christian ones available.
AA has spawned many other SA support groups: Narcotics Anonymous: https://www.na.org/meetingsearch/; Cocaine Anonymous: https://ca.org/looking-for-help/; and Marijuana Anonymous: https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/.
There is even an Emotions Anonymous http://emotionsanonymous.org/who-we-are/, Overeaters Anonymous https://oa.org/, and Sexaholics Anonymous https://www.sa.org/!
If you want a strictly Christian perspective in your support groups, you have other options.
Celebrate Recovery is the “industry standard” in Christian support group treatment for any sort of hurt, pain, or addiction. There’s probably a church near you sponsoring CR meetings. Check out their website here: https://www.celebraterecovery.com/.
Many churches have men’s and women’s ministries, where typically there are a few large gatherings throughout the year, but their small groups meet weekly. These groups are great places to practice mutual caring, learning, vulnerability, and accountability.
Finally, if you don’t want to go to some official support group, then join a small group in your church. I just joined a new small Bible and sermon study group through my church. Though it’s only met three times, it already feels very intimate. I look forward to participating and being accountable.
If there’s nothing nearby like what you need and want—a higher intensity of accountability and motivation for change—start your own accountability group.
Sometimes the other options I mentioned above seem a bit shallow. They’ve become places to complain and confess but never change. I wouldn’t want to be part of something like that.
How do you start “an accountability group”?
Make sure you invite people into the accountability group who are serious about deepening their walks in Christ. We’re talking about attitudes and the stance of the heart, not just external behavior. Click To TweetIf you have a few people you have spent much time with and you trust to both love you and tell you the truth, maybe they can be your accountability tribe. You will want to think and pray about how to gather them together and see if they want to form an accountability group.
Make sure you invite people who are serious about deepening their walks in Christ. We’re talking about attitudes and the stance of the heart, not just external behavior. Don’t invite gossips.
An initial meeting or event should be in someone’s home so that you can maintain privacy and stay as long as you need to. Maybe make it a pizza night or a potluck.
Start with some icebreakers. Transition to discussing the purpose of the group and what each person would like help on. Be sure to cover logistics like how often and where to meet. Will the group meet for a limited time (like one year)? How should we outreach a member who misses? Will there be penalties, food, or babysitting?
If you want to go fancy, prepare a covenant—a written statement—ahead of time for all participants to sign. Each person can sign an individual sheet or a group document.
You might want to discuss this awesome article by Luke Gilkerson. He reveals the seven reasons that make an accountability group ineffective: https://blog.faithlife.com/blog/2014/12/7-mistakes-that-make-your-accountability-group-shallow/.
A resource to help your new group get started is this: https://www.emmanuellife.com/photos/custom/Forms/Small_Group_Training.pdf. This one has suggested formats, icebreakers, and how to deal with problematic personalities as a group facilitator.
Ladies, we usually meet and talk differently from the guys. Here is a great resource for us starting an accountability group: https://www.embracingasimplerlife.com/accountability-groups-resources-make-happen/.
I found this resource, which lists several different types of small group covenants: http://www.foresthillsumc.net/hp_wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Sample-Small-Group-Covenants.pdf.
A resource for having a one-to-one accountability partner instead of a group: https://www.regent.edu/admin/stusrv/student_dev/docs/Downloads/Life%20Skills/AccountabilityPersonal%20Growth/Accountability%20and%20Personal%20Growth_index.pdf.
Contrary to popular belief, you’re not an island. You were made for community. The best ones include loving and honest accountability as a requirement. Click To Tweet
Don’t be like the fool in Proverbs, running through life totally self-sufficient, pretending like you always have it all together and have nothing to learn. Contrary to popular belief, you’re not an island. You were made for community. The best ones include loving and honest accountability as a requirement.
Practicing accountability is perfect preparation for marriage, the biggest place you’ll have to learn to be vulnerable and harbor no damaging secrets. It’s never too late to learn to become accountable to the right people now. That way, you’ll arrive prepared for your future spouse.
If you haven’t been in such a group, make this year the year you join one. Discover the safety, security, and delight of being fully known and fully loved by others.
