I know I’m going to get in trouble with someone somewhere about this. Oh well; here goes.
There is a lot of talk within the body of Christ telling us we need to love ourselves more. This is based on something Jesus said:
And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37–40 NASB
I think what they mean when they say we need to love ourselves is that we need to take better care of ourselves. We need to make self-care a priority.
Also, they expect us to applaud ourselves for achieving a goal—any goal. If the goal is “small”—incremental—we should celebrate. If we lose a pound, finish a class, or save a few dollars bargain shopping, announce it and celebrate.
I mean, if we don’t applaud ourselves and bring attention to our accomplishments, who’s going to do it? Our enemies? Yeah, right, says the dog-eat-dog school of hard knocks.
Not only that, they tell us we need to set boundaries and keep out bad people and bad things.
We’re also told we have the right to indulge ourselves in something that makes us feel good. This is especially true if we have experienced pain, suffering, abuse, or just plain old disappointment. Somebody has to make up for all that pain.
If we didn’t have a date for Valentine’s Day, we had a right to eat, drink, and be merry because we felt sorry for ourselves.
Don’t feel pretty? The choices often touted and made fun of by the media are: 1) eat a gallon of your favorite ice cream; 2) go find someone who will tell us we are pretty, no matter how destructive they are for us; or 3) shop for a new outfit that will make us look fabulous.
Didn’t get that raise? Girlfriend break up with you? Got an A instead of an A+ on your paper? Were you abused as a child? Go indulge in something that will make you feel real good.
I’m not trying to make fun of being hurt, disappointed, or abused. But indulging in one’s favorite snack on overload is hardly a solution. In fact, indulging in—aka pampering, gratifying, or yielding to—your favorite snack food, hobby, or unneeded expense is not a solution to anything.
Jesus assumed that we already loved ourselves. He told others we need to love other people the way we already love ourselves. It was not a command to love ourselves. Click To TweetI just don’t think Jesus meant for us do all this for ourselves when He made that statement in Matthew 22. He assumed that we already loved ourselves. He told others we need to love other people the way we already love ourselves. It was not a command to love ourselves. He was acknowledging our human tendencies toward self-focus and self-preservation.
Well, if He didn’t mean to actually love ourselves more, what did He mean?
Self-care, assertion, boundaries, and processing negative circumstances and negative reactions are the habits of adulthood that we must maintain if we’re going to mature. God is not calling us to become more self-centered. Instead, He’s calling us to respect ourselves.
When we respect ourselves, we demonstrate a confidence in who we are, and Whose we are: children and ambassadors of the living God.
When we respect ourselves, it’s easier to participate in self-care because we realize that temple maintenance is our responsibility.
We can assert ourselves—speak up for ourselves—when we respect ourselves. We also understand that we are not responsible for others’ responses unless we are doing something maliciously to elicit their negative reaction. (Know that God will hold us responsible for egging on and misleading others.)
Boundaries are easier to set and cultivate when we understand that we don’t need to accept someone else’s bad influence. We are accountable to the Lord for how we handle the influences and temptations that come our way. Our bodies, material possessions, relationships, and emotions are also within our realm of responsibility that God holds us accountable to handle.
Opportunities for negative responses abound to each person. Our facial reactions, body language, and words betray who we believe we are, and who we really believe God is in each situation. If we’re going to mature, we must take responsibility for and manage our emotions and responses.
When we respect ourselves rather than “love” ourselves, it clears up the confusion and memory loss of who we belong to and what we are responsible for.
Respecting ourselves as creations made in the image of God as well as reborn in the Son of God would make us better managers of all He gave us to manage.
If we understood that our bodies belonged to God, we might do a better job of controlling them. Knowing that our children, jobs, businesses, homes, cars, friends, and more belonged to God, we could let go of trying to control them. We’d learn to be stewards of them instead, showing them the respect they deserve. And we wouldn’t be so controlled by others.
Knowing that we respect ourselves, we wouldn’t feel compelled to acquiesce to unreasonable demands. We’d feel confident to stand our ground, speak our minds, and release the outcome. And, as much as is possible, to get away from those who seek to help themselves to our possessions or time, or hinder our progress.
Let’s learn to respect ourselves. We’ll become better, stronger, and more Christlike that way.
