I sure wish I’d had this book when my mother was still alive, as an older child.
Cultural factors, conflicts, and much consternation filled my growing up years living with my mom. The woman who was supposed to be the adult, the maturing and nurturing one, lost herself over the years as she stayed in a difficult marriage. Her inability to manage her emotions resulted in her being unable to mentor me well.
I had to learn how to adult from the Christians around me when I chose to follow Jesus in high school. I wasn’t going to learn how to care, communicate, or resolve conflicts from her. A book like Mended would have helped me immensely by being a loving support and a source of wisdom.
Blythe Daniels and her mother, Dr. Helen McIntosh, did a masterful job in weaving together their perspectives and backgrounds, both as daughters and mothers. I didn’t feel judged, or the need to judge, when I read their stories. Through their illustrations, storytelling, sharing, and the exposing of their hearts, I felt a connection, a part, of what they went through.
Here’s one of their many simple but profound revelations:
We know that ancient cities had walls to fortify them… Walls were meant to keep out the enemy. But the walls we build between a mother and daughter don’t hold back an enemy—they hold back a relationship. (p. 21; emphasis mine)
When I volunteered to join the launch team for Mended, I didn’t know what I was walking into: deep waters, but surrounded by a circle of womanly wisdom lifting my arms and walking with me to the other side.
When I volunteered to be on the launch team for Mended, I didn’t know what I was walking into: deep waters, but surrounded by a circle of womanly wisdom lifting my arms and walking with me to the other side. Click To TweetWhen I read a new book to review, I pay attention to my feelings. And I got all of them reading this one.
As I read, I found myself smiling as I imagined the scene of Blythe and her brother’s circus of mischief when their mother, Helen, realized she just didn’t know how to manage them at all. How I felt like hiding in the corner instead of bravely trudging back into the kitchen to hope, once again, that Helen’s mother would like her today.
I remember washing lettuce was something I tried to do to help my mom and show her I wanted to please her. But it never worked out as I hoped, and instead of bringing us together it would tear us apart. (p. 37)
I stifled a giggle when Blythe wrestled with her mom’s suggestion that she add Zumba to her life. (I do most of my writing in the quiet section of a public library, so I had to stifle it.) The older woman suggesting a fast, loud, Latin music-based dance exercise class to the younger?
I look back now on what I would have missed out on if I had not listened to Mom’s suggestion about something that has been a very needed addition in my life: Zumba. (p. 129)
Right before she came to this conclusion, though, she said this:
Having an open mind is the key to any relationship, and this is perhaps more important in the mother-daughter relationship than any others. (p. 129)
When it was her turn to mother, Blythe recognized her own burgeoning stance toward her children. It was the thing all wise moms, sooner or later, realize:
I am their mother, but I am not their judge. (p. 171)
Reading this book felt like walking into a lovely but very wide room, part of which was directly open to the outdoors. In the room were several women of different eras and backgrounds, all with wisdom to share about being a mother or a daughter. Often both.
And there were Helen and Blythe, leading the discussion. It was a peaceful, comforting feeling to know that other mothers and daughters struggled to grow in their relationships together. It’s a stereotypical delusion to think that all women always blend naturally and positively.
Mended is not really a how-to-fix-it book. It is a supportive memoir/guide/sharer of principles. It’s filled with the wisdom that comes from learning from mistakes—not just one’s own, but others’. It guides with suggestions, ideas, new ways of relating, and invitations to be patient and see the situation from a different perspective.
The love and learning that this dynamic duo share transcends all ages, colors, and cultures. That’s because God’s love and wisdom transcends all ages, colors, and cultures and applies to each soul.
Care, kindness, and communication well done can be felt in every woman’s heart. We know what the real deal feels like, though we may not experience it very often on this planet.
In a world that's growing colder and uglier by the hour, we need each other. Let's love genuinely from healed hearts and spread the care. God will help us. Click To TweetIn a world that’s growing colder and uglier by the hour, we need each other. Let’s love genuinely from healed hearts and spread the care. God will help us.
Come, let’s reason together. If you or someone you know is a daughter who has struggled in her relationship with her mother—or a mother who agonizes over her relationship with her daughter—get Mended. Get some care for your soul.
Learn to be mended by an eternal God Who loves you deeply. Then you can better facilitate healing in your painful relationship with your family member.
Even if your mother or daughter has passed away from this life, there is healing to be found in Mended. I found healing in the stories and struggles of these courageous women who chose to share what they’ve learned and experienced, to help the rest of us.
Mended is scheduled for release next Tuesday, April 9. For more from Blythe and Helen about Mended, and to preorder, click here: https://ourmendedhearts.com/
FREE GIVEAWAY! Join me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/glendaggordon ), where I will be giving away a free copy of Mended! The instructions for the giveaway are in my IG post for today. The giveaway will end at 9:00P EST Sunday, April 14. I will announce the winner Tuesday, April 16. This giveaway is only open to US residents.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. However, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
