Have you heard any of those horror stories of people marrying someone they thought was God’s perfect gift for them, only to find out they’d married a monster?
I’ve seen and heard enough horror stories to keep me and a hundred others single till the rapture.
Yet the promises of marriage whisper to us from heaven and invite us to reconsider and trust God. Our hearts crave the companionship and support of a godly person and we decide that yes, we still want to get married someday.
Then we read reviews about online dating services and sigh. The search is daunting. Horror stories flitting through our minds make us blink and stop.
We know there are no guarantees of lifelong, blissful happiness for that marriage we desire.We also understand that even if we are 100% for working on the marriage, the other person may not be as time goes on.
So… what about the other person? I don’t want to be fooled by a façade of fake spirituality or personality. I’m being sincere and don’t want to be duped by a fake.
There must be something we can observe and analyze to help us understand what sort of person we’re getting into. Are they really as spiritual as they look?
Well, I’ve observed a whole lot of character(s) over the decades through various outlets as a professional as well as just being myself.
There were charlatans I walked away from and avoided. And I’ve received and embraced the genuine. It’s important to learn from every relationship you exit.
I’ve gathered seven signs to look for in the person you hope will one day be your wedded spouse. Signs that they really are that spiritual—and mature.
1. Your potential marriage partner is at least practicing the basic spiritual disciplines. They regularly go to church, tithe, read, study, and meditate on scripture, participate in a weekly Sunday School or small group, and have a prayer life. They know how to share the gospel and will do so at any time.
Let’s say you meet someone interesting but they’re not going to church. When going to church is a priority for you, you risk getting conflicted when you start dating them.
You don’t want that sinking feeling of having to choose either going to church without them or staying home with them and risk getting away from church life. You’ll start making excuses for why they, and then you, don’t go to church. Drifting away from weekly, godly fellowship then makes it easier to sin.
Don’t entangle yourself with someone who isn’t doing at least these basics, especially if you’ve got them down yourself. Otherwise you’ll be unequally yoked with a carnal person; 1Timothy 4:7, Hebrews 10:24–25, 1 Corinthians 16:2, 2 Timothy 3:16, Ephesians 6:18.
(Note: someone who’s been a believer for awhile but isn’t practicing spiritual disciplines isn’t the same as a newer Christian who’s keenly learning about and growing in their faith.)
2. They are active in ministry and are genuinely accountable to those in ministry around them and above them. Someone to whom they want to be accountable indicates humility and an understanding and appreciation of their place in authority and the body of Christ.
It will take the edge off of you two being honest and accountable to each other.You’ll know that they are comfortable being a mutual partner in community. And it will give you a place to go if and when a conflict arises that needs support for the two of you; 1 Peter 4:10, Hebrews 13:7.
3. They watch their mouth. Are they critical, condescending, or complaining? How easily do they express gratitude, grace, and forgiveness?
What comes out of one’s mouth reveals what’s in his or her heart. They understand the heavy responsibility and consequences of words. And they temper their words accordingly and choose words that are positive and life-giving; Deuteronomy 30:19, 1 Peter 3:10, Ephesians 4:29.
4. They live by faith and obedience, not emotions and opinions. Genuine spirituality is marked by growing faith that bucks circumstances and spawns breakthroughs. They realize that emotions are fickle and opinions are incomplete, and that they are responsible for managing them. Steer clear of someone with known anger issues; Proverbs 22:24.
5. The character of Christ is evident in their lives. This is one of the more important ones. As they submit to God and cooperate with the Holy Spirit, the fruit of the Spirit will become obvious in his/her life. The sacrificial love of Jesus, a love for truth, and kindness will radiate.
Their spiritual maturity won’t necessarily make it easier for you to slide by on your issues. It will become a challenge to grow and change as much as they do; Galatians 5:22–23, Romans 5:1–5.
6. They deal with conflicts and issues in a timely and godly manner. Watch how they handle conflicts before you start dating, if possible. How do they handle a problem with a meal ordered at a restaurant? Being cut off in traffic? Being corrected by a supervisor or ministry associate?
It is also telling how they deal with their own issues. If they excuse or defend them, it might be good to watch and pray—at a distance; 1 Peter 3:8–11, Proverbs 15:1, Romans 12:17–21, Colossians 3:12–15.
7. They will be consistent over time. Many rush through dating straight to marriage, but you can’t afford to rush into something so important. Time is your best friend for spotting red flags.
As you watch and pray, they will demonstrate a measure of integrity that everyone who knows them can vouch for, even in private moments. You know they’re not perfect, but you will be comfortable with their imperfections because they’re not coddling and excusing them; Ephesians 4:1.
Though there are no guarantees with dating and marriage, you will increase the likelihood of things turning out better if your relationship has a strong spiritual foundation based on honesty, growing consistency in godly character, and the fruit of the Spirit. Watch and pray, my friends!
