Last week, I shared a little about my story and encouraged my readers to evaluate and reflect on the influence their family had on them.
It’s hard to date in a Christlike manner when it wasn’t modeled in your family and you weren’t aware of that negative influence. Today, I have more to share and three more tools, including the books that have helped me the most.
3. COMMIT. Commit mentally and spiritually that you will get out of the prison of negative patterns and demonic strongholds even if your family chooses to stay.
You have to firmly commit that no matter what it takes, you are going to escape and live free. Lazy passive and tired can’t be in your feels or vocabulary as you commit and apply yourself to do all you need to do to start living free.
The enemy will tell you that you can’t do it,
you can’t escape,
you can’t change,
you can’t be free, yadayadayada.
They’re all lies.
Many believers are tired of fighting their flesh, their family’s demands, and their personal demons and collapse in surrender at the enemy’s feet. That’s just what demons want.
In the midst of bombardment and confusion, you’ve got to remember that they’re lying. The devil is a defeated foe. Deceit and persecution are his only tactics, allowing him to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10).
God is the most powerful being in existence. He created the universe with all its matter, time, dimensions, space, life forces, mysteries, and physical laws. When He died for our sins and rose from the dead, He released the power to deliver us from the enemy’s stronghold. It’s our responsibility recognize our surroundings, know to get out, then trust and obey God for victory.
If you want your dating life and future marriage to be different, you have to commit to getting free despite the enemy’s lies and obstacles. Being your best self for dating means getting out of the enemy’s prison and staying out. So pray and get ready to fight for your future.
Even if you didn’t commit the particular sins your parents or other ancestors did, they will have a spiritual effect on you, like a toxic residue. Those earlier sins were introduced to the spiritual bloodline you’re connected to and make the progeny (you) susceptible to the same or related sins.
My personal example? I didn’t learn until a few days after my mother died that I was conceived out of wedlock. Her best friend told me everything after the funeral.
It explained why I never saw their marriage certificate, all their admonitions to be careful with guys as I got older, and how sexual spirits of lust and masturbation got access to my soul through that spiritual bloodline I told you about and tried to take over. Thank God I learned about all this which I’m teaching you and got free.
Commitment starts with praying to God about getting rid of these old family ties. Acknowledge and confess the sins of your family, like Daniel acknowledged the sins of his people (see Daniel 9:2–23).
Ask others to pray for you about the upcoming battle. Go to the altar, a church leader, or biblical counselor for prayer support for the fight and accountability.
Scripture to strengthen your fortitude for the upcoming battle can be found in this Crossroads article: https://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/debbie-mcdaniel/31-spiritual-warfare-scriptures.html.
This article from Michael Bradley will help you identify what to pray about: https://www.bible-knowledge.com/prayer-legal-rights/
Now for the last step:
4. FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT. Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12
You already started your fight with the prayers suggested above by Michael Bradley.
You may have to announce to your family that there’s certain things you will no longer participate in. You’ll have to learn to set appropriate boundaries and know you’ll be tested. Be prepared for all sorts of emotional reactions or skepticism from your family, too; if they didn’t escape or see there was a problem, they can’t see how you’re going to get out alive.
Cultivate your walk with Christ in prayer, Bible reading, and memorizing scripture specific to your situation.
Read online articles and books about your battle. Examples:
- Are you battling pornography because your dad did? Read something from this list: http://headhearthand.org/blog/2014/05/01/top-10-books-on-fighting-porn/
- Women also battle pornography in an era of comparisons and visually-driven social media: https://www.amazon.com/Christian-Womans-Guide-Breaking-Pornography/dp/061569389X
- Is anger a problem for you? Did someone in your family have an anger problem that you picked up? Read something from this list: https://www.google.com/search?q=christian+books+on+anger+management&hl=en&authuser=0&rlz=1C1GCEA_enUS853US853&source=univ&tbm=shop&tbo=u&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwi6z4zAleXiAhXIs54KHTAbA1kQsxgISA&biw=1280&bih=913
- Did pride, competition, even a cavalier attitude in your family, cause problems to become secrets and churn into bitterness and unforgiveness? Is pride now keeping you from humbling yourself in the sight of the Lord and receiving His grace to change? These books are good to pick from: https://www.google.com/search?q=christian+books+on+pride+and+humility&hl=en&authuser=0&rlz=1C1GCEA_enUS853US853&source=univ&tbm=shop&tbo=u&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiK-ZCLluXiAhUVsZ4KHSglDTYQsxgILQ&biw=1280&bih=913
Stay accountable to those who you asked to pray for you.
Take a class and get in a group that’s addressing your problem. Sozo Ministry is a good place to start; read what it’s about, and find a class near you here: http://bethelsozo.com/. Healing Rooms are also all over the US now; find one here: https://healingrooms.com/
Travel if you need to. These classes and groups can help you in your journey to stay free knowing that others have failed all the way to success. Commit to being transparent and completing all sessions.
Keep your head low (in humility), practice repentance, and keep your eye on the prize: Jesus, not having a good marriage. Having your dating life be positive and healthy, and having it lead to a purpose-based, godly and healthy marriage, is a by-product of getting free.
Here’s the link to my book list, now a separate page:
Revel in new thoughts, pure motives, transformed attitudes, and refreshing Holy Spirit control over your emotions and decisions.
Hold the attitude that you are going to make it all the way out because the devil is a liar and God loves you and empowers you to win.
Know that you might have some relapses along the way, but don’t quit. Get right back up, confess, and forsake your sin.
Also be aware that the enemy will try to drive you back into your stronghold.
You may be assaulted by all sorts of drama and distractions, often related to your area of challenge. I continue to be harassed by haters who try to distract me with their ridiculous games as well as those who are ignorantly shanghaied in others’ demonic motives and activities. I spend a lot of time praying away their foolishness.
Think about how the Lord will use you afterwards to help deliver others in your family.
Rejoice in the testimony you’ll have to others and, finally, at the wedding.
And enjoy your freedom.
